Former English captain Lewis Moody has disclosed he has been diagnosed with motor neurone disease and admitted he cannot yet confront the full implications of the muscle-wasting condition that ended the lives of other rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The 47-year-old, who was involved in the World Cup champion 2003 side and lifted several English and European titles with Leicester, gave an interview to BBC Breakfast a fortnight after finding out he has the illness.
"There's a certain facing the future and being reluctant to completely absorb that at the moment," he commented.
"This doesn't mean I don't understand where it's heading. We grasp that. But there is absolutely a unwillingness to face what's ahead for now."
Moody, talking together with his wife Annie, explains instead he feels "calm" as he concentrates on his present welfare, his family and making preparations for when the disease worsens.
"Possibly that's trauma or possibly I handle situations differently, and when I have the details, it's more manageable," he added.
Initial Indications
Moody found out he had MND after observing some weakness in his upper arm while working out in the gym.
After rehabilitation didn't help the problem, a number of scans indicated nerves in his central nervous system had been damaged by MND.
"You're presented with this diagnosis of MND and we're understandably quite emotional about it, but it's quite odd because I sense that everything is fine," he continued.
"I don't sense ill. I don't feel sick
"The signs I have are very minor. I have a bit of muscle loss in the hand and the shoulder region.
"I'm still capable of doing all activities. And hopefully that will persist for as long as is feasible."
Disease Development
MND can advance quickly.
As per the charity MND Association, the illness kills a third of people within a 365 days and more than half within two years of diagnosis, as eating and respiration become more difficult.
Medical care can only slow deterioration.
"It isn't ever me that I feel sad for," stated an emotional Moody.
"It's about the sadness around having to break the news to my mum - as an single child - and the consequences that has for her."
Household Impact
Talking from the family home with his wife and their pet dog by his side, Moody was overcome with emotion when he mentioned informing his sons - teenage Dylan and 15-year-old Ethan - the heartbreaking news, commenting: "It was the toughest thing I've ever had to do."
"They are two wonderful boys and that was rather devastating," Moody stated.
"We were seated on the sofa in crying, Ethan and Dylan both embraced in each other, then the dog jumped over and started cleaning the drops off our faces, which was rather amusing."
Moody said the focus was remaining in the moment.
"We have no cure and that is why you have to be extremely strongly directed on just accepting and appreciating each moment now," he said.
"According to Annie, we've been very blessed that the only real determination I made when I left playing was to allocate as much period with the kids as feasible. We don't get those times back."
Player Connection
Professional athletes are excessively influenced by MND, with studies indicating the prevalence of the illness is up to six times higher than in the general population.
It is believed that by limiting the O2 obtainable and causing damage to neural pathways, frequent, intense training can initiate the condition in those already predisposed.
Athletic Playing Days
Moody, who gained 71 England caps and competed with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was dubbed 'Mad Dog' during his sports career, in acknowledgment of his brave, unwavering method to the game.
He played through a bone injury of his leg for a duration with Leicester and once initiated a practice altercation with colleague and friend Martin Johnson when, irritated, he abandoned a training equipment and started engaging in physical contacts.
After appearing as a replacement in the Rugby World Cup final win over Australia in 2003, he secured a ball at the back of the throw-in in the critical passage of play, setting a base for scrum-half Matt Dawson to advance and Jonny Wilkinson to execute the victory-securing drop-goal.
Support System
Moody has already informed Johnson, who captained England to that title, and a few other former team-mates about his medical situation, but the remaining individuals will be discovering his news with the broader public.
"There shall be a time when we'll need to rely on their backing but, at the present, just having that kind of affection and acknowledgment that people are present is the crucial thing," he commented.
"Rugby is such a wonderful community.
"I mentioned to the kids the other day, I've had an amazing life.
"Even if it ended now, I've valued all of it and accepted all of it and got to do it with remarkable people.
"When you have the opportunity to consider your enthusiasm your career, it's one of the most significant privileges.
"To have done it for so long a time with the groups that I did it with was a joy. And I know they will wish to assist in every way they can and I anticipate having those conversations."
